Waiting. Wishing.

I really didn't want to spend another night pregnant, but here I am at 2:30am still pregnant and writing this post because I can't sleep. I'm not a complainer, and I consider myself very tolerant, but the nights are the hardest and I'm going to start complaing now.

When everything settles and there are no more distractions from the day, I'm left to wonder will tonight be the night? Tomorrow? Another week? It's torutre. Compound that with the inability to get into a comfortable position, it's a recipe for no sleep.

Yes, I've been told it all--to enjoy this time before the baby comes, to get as much sleep as possible, to relax and take it easy. Yes, I'm grateful to be pregnant, and I'm grateful I've been able to carry this baby full-term. Yes, I recognize there are women who would give anything to be where I am. I get all that, but it doesn't mean I can't express myself either. I want to have ths baby real bad! Tonight I wept in the darkness trying to will myself into labor, but no amount is wishful thinking can make that happen.